Today seems to be one of those days where I want to alternately kick everyone in the throat or just, you know, hug them. I was running insanely late for work this morning (see also: I showered) but I still managed to get here before anyone else. I think I'm becoming one of those jerks that drinks Starbucks every day and saunters down the street, venti in hand and purse slung over one shoulder, high heels clacking along. The novelty of high heels has worn off by the way and now they just pinch my feet and burn my toes.
I'm seeing the Bouncing Souls tonight; theyw ere at Warped a few years back and I missed out in favour of other bands that were once very cool in my eyes. Now I'm finally living my dreams and getting to watch them play. Boy #2 is coming to see them with me and staying for the weekend. Not really looking forward to it. I have a meeting in the morning with a client and I think it's our last one. At least, for me. I'm moving back home in a week and I've never been more excited to sleep on my futon and drink vast amounts of wine with my parents. Yes!
Got another job offer for China - this one in Dongguan. I told them I'd take it if they want to hire me for real, because it pays a good amount, the city is 45 minutes from Hong Kong, and everything seems very reasonable so I'm extremely happy.
Friday, April 27, 2007
Thursday, April 19, 2007
this is how we do
Sunny with a chance of starbucks. Again. Work was good, went by quickly. Took some pictures for the newsletter. Killing time before my phone interview with a school in Shanghai. I have a huge piece of line-less paper filled with scrawls of questions I need to ask and topics I need to bring up. I really don't want to know how much this will cost, haha.
I've felt sick since this morning, I don't know what it is but my head is pounding and I thought I was going to puke on the bus. It was jammed, everyone was sweaty and in their wintercoats because this morning had been cold. Nobody really believed today would end up so warm. We were crammed like sardines and there was massive traffic because the 401 was closed for some reason, so we ended up lurching into each other every few feet. I kept thinking back to when I was in Cadets, and how they'd tell us to bend our knees just slightly and wiggle our toes to keep the blood pumping so we wouldn't black out when we were standing at attention. Funny how the most random things can be applied to situations that you'd never see coming.
When this interview is done I'm going to make some toast and soup, read, watch South Park, then sleep as long as humanly possible.
I've felt sick since this morning, I don't know what it is but my head is pounding and I thought I was going to puke on the bus. It was jammed, everyone was sweaty and in their wintercoats because this morning had been cold. Nobody really believed today would end up so warm. We were crammed like sardines and there was massive traffic because the 401 was closed for some reason, so we ended up lurching into each other every few feet. I kept thinking back to when I was in Cadets, and how they'd tell us to bend our knees just slightly and wiggle our toes to keep the blood pumping so we wouldn't black out when we were standing at attention. Funny how the most random things can be applied to situations that you'd never see coming.
When this interview is done I'm going to make some toast and soup, read, watch South Park, then sleep as long as humanly possible.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Yonge&Davisville
on the way to work. davisville subway station.
great day - sunshine, starbucks, shopping at eaton centre, dinner out with my pops.
great day - sunshine, starbucks, shopping at eaton centre, dinner out with my pops.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Monday, April 16, 2007
view from an office
This is what I see every day at work. Pretty, but I miss the sun. Sometimes I imagine the people in that building across the parking lot stare into my office and watch me creepily.
I haven't fallen in love with a band as quickly and as hard as I have with Jets to Brazil. The music and words grip your heart and squeeze gently. I have been listening to their three albums - Four Cornered Night, Orange Rhyming Dictionary, and Perfecting Loneliness - for the last forty-eight hours. JTB was Blake Swarchzenbach's band after Jawbreaker went their separate ways, so you can still hear some of the Jawbreaker influence in the songs, like fuzzy guitar, obscure lyrics, and Blake's gravelly voice, but still...it's all unique and it's all amazing stuff. My two favourite tracks are definitely Sweet Avenue and Your X-Rays. I want to write a letter to this guy and thank him for putting this music in the world and once again re-instilling my faith in artists.
So I was checking MSNBC at work and I saw the news report on the shooting at Virginia Tech. I felt so sick after, like I'd swallowed something toxic and I found that I almost cried, which is odd because I've never felt that kind of empathy and compassion towards any other disaster except 9/11 and a few other things...I think for the most part I'm pretty apathetic which is terrible to admit, but this VTech shooting really got to me. I could sit here and preach about how disgusting and sad humanity is, but I'm part of it and so I'm part of the problem unless I get off my ass and try to make a difference. Nonetheless, it's unbelievably saddening and I hope the families and friends of those students eventually feel some sense of peace, as hard as that is to imagine.
I haven't fallen in love with a band as quickly and as hard as I have with Jets to Brazil. The music and words grip your heart and squeeze gently. I have been listening to their three albums - Four Cornered Night, Orange Rhyming Dictionary, and Perfecting Loneliness - for the last forty-eight hours. JTB was Blake Swarchzenbach's band after Jawbreaker went their separate ways, so you can still hear some of the Jawbreaker influence in the songs, like fuzzy guitar, obscure lyrics, and Blake's gravelly voice, but still...it's all unique and it's all amazing stuff. My two favourite tracks are definitely Sweet Avenue and Your X-Rays. I want to write a letter to this guy and thank him for putting this music in the world and once again re-instilling my faith in artists.
So I was checking MSNBC at work and I saw the news report on the shooting at Virginia Tech. I felt so sick after, like I'd swallowed something toxic and I found that I almost cried, which is odd because I've never felt that kind of empathy and compassion towards any other disaster except 9/11 and a few other things...I think for the most part I'm pretty apathetic which is terrible to admit, but this VTech shooting really got to me. I could sit here and preach about how disgusting and sad humanity is, but I'm part of it and so I'm part of the problem unless I get off my ass and try to make a difference. Nonetheless, it's unbelievably saddening and I hope the families and friends of those students eventually feel some sense of peace, as hard as that is to imagine.
Sunday, April 15, 2007
sunday
I applied to a bunch of potential schools and english centres in China today. Most were in and around Beijing, but there were two in Shanghai, one in Guangdong province, and another in Nanjing.
I get restless on weekends and watch too much TV. I broke up my time by re-reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower, as pictured here. It took me about two and a half hours to get through the whole thing. I hadn't read it since high school, so it was refreshing and I think I just actually got it this time around. It's funny, once you've gone through some of the things that Charlie goes through in the story, or you've experienced some of his feelings, you relate in an entirely different way. You can see yourself again, back at that "low point", that part of your life that everybody shies away from. And the whole time these thoughts beat against your skull likes moths in a lantern, and what hurts the most is that nobody will even try to come down to your level and relate. Maybe that's why I secured my first real best friend - she was on the same pills, she could joke about those truly difficult, painful nights, she could actually get what I was saying and counteract with her own experiences. Reading Charlie's letters make me feel a little like that again; like I'm not alone when I sink myself into those memories, and that somebody else felt the crippling exhaustion of it all, and most of all the numbness that comes with it, shutting down your mind and your body until all you can do is sit and stare and walk around like a zombie, minus the whole eating people thing. I've come a long ways since week-long bedroom vigils.
I hate to sound like some teenager off myspace who listens to FFTL and writes bulletins about how much they hate their parents. I love my parents, I really do, and I think my life is both beautiful and absurd. It's just these Sundays where you feel like a Smiths song and your brain aches from a painful story but in the end, you're content.
I get restless on weekends and watch too much TV. I broke up my time by re-reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower, as pictured here. It took me about two and a half hours to get through the whole thing. I hadn't read it since high school, so it was refreshing and I think I just actually got it this time around. It's funny, once you've gone through some of the things that Charlie goes through in the story, or you've experienced some of his feelings, you relate in an entirely different way. You can see yourself again, back at that "low point", that part of your life that everybody shies away from. And the whole time these thoughts beat against your skull likes moths in a lantern, and what hurts the most is that nobody will even try to come down to your level and relate. Maybe that's why I secured my first real best friend - she was on the same pills, she could joke about those truly difficult, painful nights, she could actually get what I was saying and counteract with her own experiences. Reading Charlie's letters make me feel a little like that again; like I'm not alone when I sink myself into those memories, and that somebody else felt the crippling exhaustion of it all, and most of all the numbness that comes with it, shutting down your mind and your body until all you can do is sit and stare and walk around like a zombie, minus the whole eating people thing. I've come a long ways since week-long bedroom vigils.
I hate to sound like some teenager off myspace who listens to FFTL and writes bulletins about how much they hate their parents. I love my parents, I really do, and I think my life is both beautiful and absurd. It's just these Sundays where you feel like a Smiths song and your brain aches from a painful story but in the end, you're content.
Saturday, April 14, 2007
how to get through a hangover saturday
went to the club last night with some friends, drank a lot, woke up to grilled cheese, coffee, and empire of the sun on history channel. still love that movie - ever since i was a kid, but mostly because my brother liked it.
spending the rest of the day watching ripped movies and nursing a coffee. i foresee an early night.
tomorrow: hopefully some shopping, maybe see blades of glory.
spending the rest of the day watching ripped movies and nursing a coffee. i foresee an early night.
tomorrow: hopefully some shopping, maybe see blades of glory.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Neutral.
Sometimes the simplest things are beautiful.
Two necklaces for 30 dollars at Mantra at Yonge & Imperial. This was on my lunch break, along with an amazing bento box lunch for $6.99 at Echo Sushi on Yonge Street.
Sometimes I get so depressed it hits me in the chest like a punch, sucking my breath away. I miss your awkward words, I miss what home feels like. I keep holding onto something - maybe not hope, that's too optimistic even for me - so it might be the anticipation for closure.
There's this girl that likes me a lot and sometimes she lies to humour me, but mostly she likes to text me at 3am and tell me I'm beautiful. She's got long hair and blue eyes and her mouth is wide and she laughs a lot, at anything and everything, and I don't always know what to tell her but I'm glad she's my friend, because she reminds me that sometimes "hopeless" is okay, and sometimes romantics are just a smile or a casual phonecall.
There was once a boy on cocaine that didn't hold my hand and didn't hold doors open for me, and while I always compared him to the other boy, I still cared about him enough to get mad when he blew blood into a kleenex and laughed about addictions like they were old news.
All things considered, I think hearts are tougher than we give them credit for.
Two necklaces for 30 dollars at Mantra at Yonge & Imperial. This was on my lunch break, along with an amazing bento box lunch for $6.99 at Echo Sushi on Yonge Street.
Sometimes I get so depressed it hits me in the chest like a punch, sucking my breath away. I miss your awkward words, I miss what home feels like. I keep holding onto something - maybe not hope, that's too optimistic even for me - so it might be the anticipation for closure.
There's this girl that likes me a lot and sometimes she lies to humour me, but mostly she likes to text me at 3am and tell me I'm beautiful. She's got long hair and blue eyes and her mouth is wide and she laughs a lot, at anything and everything, and I don't always know what to tell her but I'm glad she's my friend, because she reminds me that sometimes "hopeless" is okay, and sometimes romantics are just a smile or a casual phonecall.
There was once a boy on cocaine that didn't hold my hand and didn't hold doors open for me, and while I always compared him to the other boy, I still cared about him enough to get mad when he blew blood into a kleenex and laughed about addictions like they were old news.
All things considered, I think hearts are tougher than we give them credit for.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
happy feet
a million years ago or more
when i stepped the threshold of your door
and sat crosslegged on your floor
i knew then, what a heart was for:
eyes to blind and hands to sear
mouth to mold and cheeks to tear-
all the world between your fingers
and in that thought, all feeling lingers
when i stepped the threshold of your door
and sat crosslegged on your floor
i knew then, what a heart was for:
eyes to blind and hands to sear
mouth to mold and cheeks to tear-
all the world between your fingers
and in that thought, all feeling lingers
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
mess
it's a beautiful day and i love slice. i have a top ten list to write, and i can't stop listening to lily allen. i worked hard today and it felt good. my shoulder hurts from my laptop bag. i have an exam tomorrow. yesterday afternoon somebody told me that i was selfish and a bad friend and i only cried after because it was true, not because it hurt. which it did. i'm making stirfry tonight and dreaming of june. i can feel summer starting to crawl under my skin like a warm buzz of bonfires and the crackle of cicadas in the backyard.
Monday, April 9, 2007
happy easter
one day off, oops. we had easter dinner at my grandparents yesterday. lot's of wine. the empty chair was mine.
i love my grandparents because i can rib on them and they just laugh and think i'm precocious.
i love my grandparents because i can rib on them and they just laugh and think i'm precocious.
Saturday, April 7, 2007
reds & grays
Got my hair coloured and trimmed. Went to Tandoori Grill with my mom, two of her friends, and one of the friend's daughter and her husband. It was fun, I got complimented, I can't complain.
Song of the week: Break Myself by Something Corporate.
Song of the week: Break Myself by Something Corporate.
Friday, April 6, 2007
06 april 2007
the snow followed me home.
dinner tonight with a couple - she was polish, he was persian. crazy polish easter soup, crazy persian tea with lemon, crazy ten-year old son who i really just wanted to adopt. also too much cranberry liquer.
dinner tonight with a couple - she was polish, he was persian. crazy polish easter soup, crazy persian tea with lemon, crazy ten-year old son who i really just wanted to adopt. also too much cranberry liquer.
Thursday, April 5, 2007
P365: 05 april 2007
I guess I'm doing project 365 now because this year is going to be memorable, and maybe a little sexy. For those of you who don't know what project 365 is - it's a committment to post one picture a day of something that stood out that day, or just anything really that is even mildly memorable or different. It's just a way to look back on one year of your life and see what happened.
Today's picture was my lunch, a truly horrific looking affair from Dim Sum Daily on Yonge & Davisville. 5 bucks to fill a little styrofoam carton, man it's a student heaven.
For the record, that spring roll was really freaking good.
Anyway, heading home tonight for easter holidays. Getting hair dyed on Saturday plus eye exam and new glasses, it's about time seeing as I've had the same pair since grade ten.
Today's picture was my lunch, a truly horrific looking affair from Dim Sum Daily on Yonge & Davisville. 5 bucks to fill a little styrofoam carton, man it's a student heaven.
For the record, that spring roll was really freaking good.
Anyway, heading home tonight for easter holidays. Getting hair dyed on Saturday plus eye exam and new glasses, it's about time seeing as I've had the same pair since grade ten.
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
i think i'm getting a cold.
There's days where I want to stay in bed all morning, curled around a coffee and glued to TLC. There's days though, just occasionally, where I like to get up at 7:30 and take a shower and pack a tupperware with salad and hop on the subway. Everyone has their eyes closed and their chins on their chests. The heater's warm and the windows are cold and I like to listen to pretentious indie bands that just seem to fit. The beauty of North York at such an hour is the mish-mesh of cultures and colours going to work. I like to think that maybe this is reaching the pinnacle of our civilization - all races, all religions, all ages, just sitting on the 39 Finch East, eyes closed, purses and bags clutched on laps. It's nice, it's unifying. I like knowing I'm part of something bigger.
I got an e-mail today from my TESL training asking me to consider initiating placement. I have narrowed down my three top countries: China, Japan, and Tibet. My first city choices are definitely Shanghai, followed closely by Beijing and Qingdao, but I wouldn't mind Lhasa or Tokyo - well, anywhere in Japan, really. Or Thailand. See, I'm utterly indecisive. The site mentioned summer camps in China. That could be interesting, doing a 3 month stint there then packing off elsewhere for either a six-month or one-year contract. I love that I actually have a choice, it's so exciting.
On the internship front, everything is going great. I definitely want to make an eventual career out of event planning and public relations. It's fun, it's creative, and the people are wonderfully stressed and motivated.
And now for a little game called 'Find Danielle A Place To Live In Toronto For The First Week of May.'
I got an e-mail today from my TESL training asking me to consider initiating placement. I have narrowed down my three top countries: China, Japan, and Tibet. My first city choices are definitely Shanghai, followed closely by Beijing and Qingdao, but I wouldn't mind Lhasa or Tokyo - well, anywhere in Japan, really. Or Thailand. See, I'm utterly indecisive. The site mentioned summer camps in China. That could be interesting, doing a 3 month stint there then packing off elsewhere for either a six-month or one-year contract. I love that I actually have a choice, it's so exciting.
On the internship front, everything is going great. I definitely want to make an eventual career out of event planning and public relations. It's fun, it's creative, and the people are wonderfully stressed and motivated.
And now for a little game called 'Find Danielle A Place To Live In Toronto For The First Week of May.'
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