i missed being in china and feeling like my life was stretching out in front of me, brilliant and golden and mysterious, maybe even uncontrollable. those two weeks back in canada threw me off, i wasn't sure whether who i was supposed to be - danielle the teacher abroad going on all sorts of bizarre adventures in a foreign land or danielle the dippy advertising student who drinks too much and gets awkward at the worst times. i'm happy to be back though because i missed this feeling of complete independance. the thing is i still have to learn a lot about myself and piece these odds and ends together, there are new ones turning up every day so it's sort of hard. half a year ago i was terrified of, say, going into a restaurant and eating alone because i thought everyone would think i'm a loner or something but being here has made me infinitely more confident in myself and my abilities in doing something even as simple as going out to eat alone or shopping alone or even seeing a movie alone, and i guess to some degree it was originally out of necessity but after a while it becomes nice, devoting time to yourself and letting yourself just breathe, away from people and separated from everybody around because of the language barrier. hearing people speaking chinese has just become like white noise to me- it secludes me. that isn't to say i don't like being around other people - i've always been social and i'm happiest when i'm animated with my friends, so i can confidently say i'm enjoying having my friend theresa living and working with me, especially just to share the simple day to day things like doing groceries or watching a movie or the act of being able to cook up some dinner to share with someone else.
a starbucks opened about a seven minutes walk away from our apartment so we went yesterday on the way to getting groceries, and then i went back this morning to just sit and plan my lessons for tomorrow and friday. it's incredible because it literally JUST opened so when you go in, there's really only ever like 6 other people there but it's so huge and air conditioned and clean and wonderful, plus they have outlets so i can write and do lessons and what have you on the ol macbook. i have the most vague outline in my head right now for a book on living in china, mostly just a lot of my own strange daily experiences in it plus things like tips and recipes and tidbits i've picked up over the last three and a half months. i think it's going to be geared towards women and i might end up just having it online, like a blog or a site i guess but a book would be cool too. i don't know, this is something i have to think about but it would be a cool project. i also have to start working on my advertising portfolio since i have finally settled on being a copywriter or account exec if getting a job on the creative side is still difficult in a year from now. i want to work in shanghai next year at an ad agency, even if it's only for six months or something, since my contract at victory english school ends next july so i guess we'll see. 10 months is a long enough time to mull things over. at the very least i am going to bring my laptop to starbucks tomorrow and start working on both portfolio and book so at least i feel like i'm making decisions and being productive.
today i bought a plant and a bunch of dvds (billy elliott, mummy 1 and 2, breakfast at tiffanys, the reaping, knocked up, harry potter and the order of the pheonix, etc), and i have tonight off so i'm making tacos while theresa's at work and then when she's back, kim's coming over so we can have a laowai mexican fiesta. i'm happy and sort of well-adjusted and i'm wearing an astroboy t-shirt so pretty much my life is good right now.
as an aside - the greatest song that i have heard in a very long time is "the crane wife 1 and 2" by the decemberists. i forgot all about that story until i started listening to it; japanese folklore dictates that a man finds a crane bleeding out in the snow one day, so despite the fact that he is very poor he takes it in and nurses it back to health until it's ready to fly away. not long after a beautiful woman shows up at his door and it isn't long before they are married, but because he has no money she offers to weave for him. she makes these beautiful silk pieces that they sell at the market, they're softer and shinier than anyone else's and she continues to make them under the condition that he is never to go into the room she is in when she's making the silk. however over time he gets greedy and makes her work harder and harder so they can make more and more money, so she becomes tired. one day he opens the door of her weaving room and looks in, and he's shocked to find that she's actually the crane he rescued that one day, and she plucks out her feathers to weave into the cloth - that is what makes it so soft and beautiful - but because he has worked her so hard, she's lost almost all her feathers. when she finds out she has been discovered, she leaves the house and flies away. needless to say the song is as impossibly beautiful as the story.
