in every direction

I've avoided writing anything on here for a long time. Part of it has been laziness but part of it has been fear in admitting what has happened in the past year. In June I started writing in an actual journal, cataloguing my thoughts and feelings and self loathing in a medium that noone else can read. It's better that way, I think, hiding the scars in a place where they can be privately mulled over. It's been a difficult year. It hurts to read over the naive optimism I had in the past. I've learned a lot about myself recently, the things ill do and say, the things I won't. It's been a year of indecision, too. Some angry nights, midnight phonecalls, drinking too much and letting others down. I let a good relationship slip away from me due to pure selfishness and an emotional immaturity that appalls me to look back on. I'm still unsure as to what I want to do, where I want to go. I don't really know what home is, anymore. Once it was his smile, his hands, his blue eyes and his confidence in what we had.

新年快乐

This year I want to accomplish a few things, namely:

1. Lose those 10 lbs, finally.

2. Travel to Vietnam.

3. Be more loving, be kinder in my words and actions.

4. More hiking.

5. Learn CSS.

6. Keep in touch with friends.

7. Get a smartphone.

8. Upgrade my Chinese level.


Let's see how we go.