Endings, beginnings, and in-betweens.

Two things happened today: I turned 21, and my great aunt - Tante Louisette - was buried. I will always remember my 21st birthday because I flew to Montreal in the morning with my mom for the visitation and funeral. She armed me with only one phrase for my grieving relatives: "mes sympaties". That phrase rolled around my mouth about fifty times and I think anytime I was introduced to anyone, I just blurted it out. I'm a little surprised out waitress at L'Oufarie didn't hear it too. The casket was open which shouldn't have shocked me, but as I stared down at the face of this corpse - this 90-something year old woman who once held me when I was a baby - I could really only think how disrespectful it was to have her lying out like that, poisoning everyone's final memories of her. The funeral itself was a bit better. I'd never attended a Catholic funeral mass - let alone in French - but it was good. I liked the comfort of old, worn-in rituals and the burn of incense. It's not familiar, but it's like a pat on the shoulder, a final "it's okay."

I'm moving to China in eight days. I alternate between absolute terror, extreme sadness, and elation/excitement. I keep trying to rationalize these feelings and how it will be when I'm there, but I really can't imagine it. I'm already getting that hollow feeling of missing my family, deep-rooted in my chest and prodding at my heart. I wonder if that feeling ever really goes away, no matter how old you are.

My ESL job is in a city called Hangzhou, about two hours out from Shanghai. I will chronicle the experience in here, hopefully with accompanying pictures and youtubes so my family can keep tabs on my daily life for the next year.

Hi, guys.

Oh yeah - the music that is moving me more than anything right now: the new Elliott Smith. Let's just hope he continues to pull a Tupac and keeps cropping up with albums long after his death. Viva Makiavelliott! Anyway, the album is called "New Moon" and so far the best tracks are Either Or, New Monkey, Fear City, and Thirteen. Actually all of them are fantastic in ways that XO weren't, so, that's that.