i've decided that i need to de-clutter my life. i've got a lot of things going on and i'm one of those people that tends to get stressed out at the drop of a hat but doesn't know how to deal with it. i do make a lot of lists but those stress me out too as items on them mount and bits don't get crossed off. my mom and i grabbed dinner tonight and i poured out my whole sob story about feeling lonely and bummed out about everything right now, and she managed to make me see it in a different way by identifying the root of the problem: my life right now isn't balanced. i spend most of it at work, which i adore, but i think life has to be equal parts work and play. you have to know how to relax after stringing yourself up all day. i can't seem to do that, i'm in work-mode about 80% of the time. my social life is about one night out a week with my very few friends in the area, and the rest of it is spent with my parents and/or cat. i don't do the things i love very much anymore because i'm too tired and drained, i guess emotionally too because of everything with my dad. i see myself now, and then myself a year ago, the girl who loved going out so much and was so excited about everything albeit fairly immature, and now the girl who goes to bed at 9:30 and reads nerdy books about apartheid and doesn't listen to half as much music as she'd like to. i need to take more time to be happy and just enjoy existing. i have broken down the steps i need to take:
1. change of scenery. this weekend i'm going to buy new bedding and pictures and a rug and blinds and paint a mural on my wall and repaint my stupid dresser. i'm thinking browns and dark rich purples and aquamarines, wild bold colours that will be a kick in the pants.
2. natural prozak. that's right amigos it's endorphine time. ok to be fair to myself, i've been planning to start biking the 3 or 4 k to work every day but right now it's a bit icy and cold so i'm waiting on that for another couple weeks. still.
3. trim down the excess stress. every thursday night i'm on the go from 6-9:!5 and wedged in there is 2 hours of drum instruction i give the air cadets in guelph. i am going to only do it the last thurs of every month instead.
4. pursue that which i love. more music, fiddle lessons, good movies, great books, drink weird tea flavours, knit, start going to lame concerts again, etc etc.
5. friends. solidify those which do exist and make more. not sure how to do this yet as most people my age still around fergus are bizarre and have penchant for going to stampede ranch and working at tims.
6. licence...roadtest...booking...this week......insert big cringe.
jp cormier is still seriously so wonderful, as is the new panic at the disco and hey! the entire smashing pumpkins discography too, which mysteriously downloaded its way on to my ipod over the course of 15 hours. speaking of which i dropped it one too many times and it erased all 4675 songs in the blink of an eye. i have like 820 now (mostly SP surprise surprise) and it isn't so bad, it's like starting with a clean slate.
the transition parts of our lives are so weird, you spend so much time trying to just get your footing and figure out how it's all working. i just really want to have a car and an apartment at this point and not feel so stressed, i want stuff to come together so i can stop waiting for everything to kick in or happen. i want a break so badly and i don't know how to take it or what to do besides de-cluttering in the aforementioned ways. i have the travel bug right now like crazy, too. not even china, just anywhere really, the maritimes or south africa or vietnam or ireland, even the states, i wanna get out of here.
on a less emo note my mom and i went to an arbonne thing at our friend shirley's house last night, at 8 we did the earth hour thing and just used candles and it was so freaking cool. my dad was checking the news today and mentioned that there'd been a 5% decrease in power usage in ontario because of it. isn't that awesome? it excites me so much to think what we can do for our planet when we actually band together. imagine if we had an earth hour every day, what a difference that would make.
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