Thursday, May 17, 2007
from vancouver
On the Yonge subway line in Toronto, there's this one part of the track that suddenly opens up and runs outside, just between Eglinton and Davisville. You're constantly expecting the dim clack-clack-clack but then there's a burst of light and greenery, rough brick neighbourhoods and low-rise commerce. My life feels a little bit like that right now.
Saturday, May 12, 2007
new D&G glasses. hoo-rah.
The Read My Mind remix album by the Killers is amazing, who would have thought one pretty decent song could be spun in 10 different ways? I am boggled, albeit digging the Pet Shop Boys radio edit remix. What else is new in the world of piracy? I procured one of Dane Cook's CDs which I already listened to a few months back - "Vicious Circle" - because homeboy is the only comedian who can make me literally laugh out loud, even if I'm in public listening on my iPod.
Anyway, here's what's important.
THINGS I WILL INEVITABLY MISS ABOUT CANADA*:
- Tim Horton's bitter sludge (this may or may not include Iced Capps and Rrrroll up the Rrrrim)
- Hockey night in Canada (which I never actually watched, but boy, will I miss channel surfing past it!)
- Chapter's and it's thorough selection of Stephen King paperbacks
- Chilly summer days
- My parents (they will read this within the next week or so, so, you know)
- My cat and his jaw-cracking yawns and mutterings
- Toronto (no other city will be loved as fiercely as I love the t-dot)
- Canadian television (CBC news - I love finding out about the latest Scarborough waterpipe crisis! also Slice...oh Slice, I hardly knew thee. And Comedy I guess, how else am I supposed to watch Family Guy and South Park back to back? I ask you.)
- Canadian literature, oh wait, the more miles between myself and that bitter mire of insecurity, death, and cynicism, the better!
- The Muskoka-style restaurants of varying names (see: Turtle Jack's, Montana's, Loopy Joe's, Shoeless Mike's, and so forth) and accuracy, but all with one common goal: to look the most rustic and bear the most fake antlers.
- Zeller's, the Bay, and it's various derivatives.
- Those Canadian Tire commercials. Come on.
- TBS Superstation. Not Canadian, but still an integral part of daily life here.
- Long expanses of manurey fields, highways like twisting ribbons, the occasional moose being ridden by a mountie on his way to a beaver dam.
- Fresca! I truly hope this drink exists in China, or else I will be done for.
THINGS I WILL INEVITABLY NOT MISS ABOUT CANADA:
- Dalton McGuinty.
---
* subject to change.
Anyway, here's what's important.
THINGS I WILL INEVITABLY MISS ABOUT CANADA*:
- Tim Horton's bitter sludge (this may or may not include Iced Capps and Rrrroll up the Rrrrim)
- Hockey night in Canada (which I never actually watched, but boy, will I miss channel surfing past it!)
- Chapter's and it's thorough selection of Stephen King paperbacks
- Chilly summer days
- My parents (they will read this within the next week or so, so, you know)
- My cat and his jaw-cracking yawns and mutterings
- Toronto (no other city will be loved as fiercely as I love the t-dot)
- Canadian television (CBC news - I love finding out about the latest Scarborough waterpipe crisis! also Slice...oh Slice, I hardly knew thee. And Comedy I guess, how else am I supposed to watch Family Guy and South Park back to back? I ask you.)
- Canadian literature, oh wait, the more miles between myself and that bitter mire of insecurity, death, and cynicism, the better!
- The Muskoka-style restaurants of varying names (see: Turtle Jack's, Montana's, Loopy Joe's, Shoeless Mike's, and so forth) and accuracy, but all with one common goal: to look the most rustic and bear the most fake antlers.
- Zeller's, the Bay, and it's various derivatives.
- Those Canadian Tire commercials. Come on.
- TBS Superstation. Not Canadian, but still an integral part of daily life here.
- Long expanses of manurey fields, highways like twisting ribbons, the occasional moose being ridden by a mountie on his way to a beaver dam.
- Fresca! I truly hope this drink exists in China, or else I will be done for.
THINGS I WILL INEVITABLY NOT MISS ABOUT CANADA:
- Dalton McGuinty.
---
* subject to change.
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
Endings, beginnings, and in-betweens.
Two things happened today: I turned 21, and my great aunt - Tante Louisette - was buried. I will always remember my 21st birthday because I flew to Montreal in the morning with my mom for the visitation and funeral. She armed me with only one phrase for my grieving relatives: "mes sympaties". That phrase rolled around my mouth about fifty times and I think anytime I was introduced to anyone, I just blurted it out. I'm a little surprised out waitress at L'Oufarie didn't hear it too. The casket was open which shouldn't have shocked me, but as I stared down at the face of this corpse - this 90-something year old woman who once held me when I was a baby - I could really only think how disrespectful it was to have her lying out like that, poisoning everyone's final memories of her. The funeral itself was a bit better. I'd never attended a Catholic funeral mass - let alone in French - but it was good. I liked the comfort of old, worn-in rituals and the burn of incense. It's not familiar, but it's like a pat on the shoulder, a final "it's okay."
I'm moving to China in eight days. I alternate between absolute terror, extreme sadness, and elation/excitement. I keep trying to rationalize these feelings and how it will be when I'm there, but I really can't imagine it. I'm already getting that hollow feeling of missing my family, deep-rooted in my chest and prodding at my heart. I wonder if that feeling ever really goes away, no matter how old you are.
My ESL job is in a city called Hangzhou, about two hours out from Shanghai. I will chronicle the experience in here, hopefully with accompanying pictures and youtubes so my family can keep tabs on my daily life for the next year.
Hi, guys.
Oh yeah - the music that is moving me more than anything right now: the new Elliott Smith. Let's just hope he continues to pull a Tupac and keeps cropping up with albums long after his death. Viva Makiavelliott! Anyway, the album is called "New Moon" and so far the best tracks are Either Or, New Monkey, Fear City, and Thirteen. Actually all of them are fantastic in ways that XO weren't, so, that's that.
I'm moving to China in eight days. I alternate between absolute terror, extreme sadness, and elation/excitement. I keep trying to rationalize these feelings and how it will be when I'm there, but I really can't imagine it. I'm already getting that hollow feeling of missing my family, deep-rooted in my chest and prodding at my heart. I wonder if that feeling ever really goes away, no matter how old you are.
My ESL job is in a city called Hangzhou, about two hours out from Shanghai. I will chronicle the experience in here, hopefully with accompanying pictures and youtubes so my family can keep tabs on my daily life for the next year.
Hi, guys.
Oh yeah - the music that is moving me more than anything right now: the new Elliott Smith. Let's just hope he continues to pull a Tupac and keeps cropping up with albums long after his death. Viva Makiavelliott! Anyway, the album is called "New Moon" and so far the best tracks are Either Or, New Monkey, Fear City, and Thirteen. Actually all of them are fantastic in ways that XO weren't, so, that's that.
Friday, April 27, 2007
I'm slacking on P365.
Today seems to be one of those days where I want to alternately kick everyone in the throat or just, you know, hug them. I was running insanely late for work this morning (see also: I showered) but I still managed to get here before anyone else. I think I'm becoming one of those jerks that drinks Starbucks every day and saunters down the street, venti in hand and purse slung over one shoulder, high heels clacking along. The novelty of high heels has worn off by the way and now they just pinch my feet and burn my toes.
I'm seeing the Bouncing Souls tonight; theyw ere at Warped a few years back and I missed out in favour of other bands that were once very cool in my eyes. Now I'm finally living my dreams and getting to watch them play. Boy #2 is coming to see them with me and staying for the weekend. Not really looking forward to it. I have a meeting in the morning with a client and I think it's our last one. At least, for me. I'm moving back home in a week and I've never been more excited to sleep on my futon and drink vast amounts of wine with my parents. Yes!
Got another job offer for China - this one in Dongguan. I told them I'd take it if they want to hire me for real, because it pays a good amount, the city is 45 minutes from Hong Kong, and everything seems very reasonable so I'm extremely happy.
I'm seeing the Bouncing Souls tonight; theyw ere at Warped a few years back and I missed out in favour of other bands that were once very cool in my eyes. Now I'm finally living my dreams and getting to watch them play. Boy #2 is coming to see them with me and staying for the weekend. Not really looking forward to it. I have a meeting in the morning with a client and I think it's our last one. At least, for me. I'm moving back home in a week and I've never been more excited to sleep on my futon and drink vast amounts of wine with my parents. Yes!
Got another job offer for China - this one in Dongguan. I told them I'd take it if they want to hire me for real, because it pays a good amount, the city is 45 minutes from Hong Kong, and everything seems very reasonable so I'm extremely happy.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
this is how we do
Sunny with a chance of starbucks. Again. Work was good, went by quickly. Took some pictures for the newsletter. Killing time before my phone interview with a school in Shanghai. I have a huge piece of line-less paper filled with scrawls of questions I need to ask and topics I need to bring up. I really don't want to know how much this will cost, haha.
I've felt sick since this morning, I don't know what it is but my head is pounding and I thought I was going to puke on the bus. It was jammed, everyone was sweaty and in their wintercoats because this morning had been cold. Nobody really believed today would end up so warm. We were crammed like sardines and there was massive traffic because the 401 was closed for some reason, so we ended up lurching into each other every few feet. I kept thinking back to when I was in Cadets, and how they'd tell us to bend our knees just slightly and wiggle our toes to keep the blood pumping so we wouldn't black out when we were standing at attention. Funny how the most random things can be applied to situations that you'd never see coming.
When this interview is done I'm going to make some toast and soup, read, watch South Park, then sleep as long as humanly possible.
I've felt sick since this morning, I don't know what it is but my head is pounding and I thought I was going to puke on the bus. It was jammed, everyone was sweaty and in their wintercoats because this morning had been cold. Nobody really believed today would end up so warm. We were crammed like sardines and there was massive traffic because the 401 was closed for some reason, so we ended up lurching into each other every few feet. I kept thinking back to when I was in Cadets, and how they'd tell us to bend our knees just slightly and wiggle our toes to keep the blood pumping so we wouldn't black out when we were standing at attention. Funny how the most random things can be applied to situations that you'd never see coming.
When this interview is done I'm going to make some toast and soup, read, watch South Park, then sleep as long as humanly possible.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Yonge&Davisville
on the way to work. davisville subway station.
great day - sunshine, starbucks, shopping at eaton centre, dinner out with my pops.
great day - sunshine, starbucks, shopping at eaton centre, dinner out with my pops.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Monday, April 16, 2007
view from an office
This is what I see every day at work. Pretty, but I miss the sun. Sometimes I imagine the people in that building across the parking lot stare into my office and watch me creepily.
I haven't fallen in love with a band as quickly and as hard as I have with Jets to Brazil. The music and words grip your heart and squeeze gently. I have been listening to their three albums - Four Cornered Night, Orange Rhyming Dictionary, and Perfecting Loneliness - for the last forty-eight hours. JTB was Blake Swarchzenbach's band after Jawbreaker went their separate ways, so you can still hear some of the Jawbreaker influence in the songs, like fuzzy guitar, obscure lyrics, and Blake's gravelly voice, but still...it's all unique and it's all amazing stuff. My two favourite tracks are definitely Sweet Avenue and Your X-Rays. I want to write a letter to this guy and thank him for putting this music in the world and once again re-instilling my faith in artists.
So I was checking MSNBC at work and I saw the news report on the shooting at Virginia Tech. I felt so sick after, like I'd swallowed something toxic and I found that I almost cried, which is odd because I've never felt that kind of empathy and compassion towards any other disaster except 9/11 and a few other things...I think for the most part I'm pretty apathetic which is terrible to admit, but this VTech shooting really got to me. I could sit here and preach about how disgusting and sad humanity is, but I'm part of it and so I'm part of the problem unless I get off my ass and try to make a difference. Nonetheless, it's unbelievably saddening and I hope the families and friends of those students eventually feel some sense of peace, as hard as that is to imagine.
I haven't fallen in love with a band as quickly and as hard as I have with Jets to Brazil. The music and words grip your heart and squeeze gently. I have been listening to their three albums - Four Cornered Night, Orange Rhyming Dictionary, and Perfecting Loneliness - for the last forty-eight hours. JTB was Blake Swarchzenbach's band after Jawbreaker went their separate ways, so you can still hear some of the Jawbreaker influence in the songs, like fuzzy guitar, obscure lyrics, and Blake's gravelly voice, but still...it's all unique and it's all amazing stuff. My two favourite tracks are definitely Sweet Avenue and Your X-Rays. I want to write a letter to this guy and thank him for putting this music in the world and once again re-instilling my faith in artists.
So I was checking MSNBC at work and I saw the news report on the shooting at Virginia Tech. I felt so sick after, like I'd swallowed something toxic and I found that I almost cried, which is odd because I've never felt that kind of empathy and compassion towards any other disaster except 9/11 and a few other things...I think for the most part I'm pretty apathetic which is terrible to admit, but this VTech shooting really got to me. I could sit here and preach about how disgusting and sad humanity is, but I'm part of it and so I'm part of the problem unless I get off my ass and try to make a difference. Nonetheless, it's unbelievably saddening and I hope the families and friends of those students eventually feel some sense of peace, as hard as that is to imagine.
Sunday, April 15, 2007
sunday
I applied to a bunch of potential schools and english centres in China today. Most were in and around Beijing, but there were two in Shanghai, one in Guangdong province, and another in Nanjing.
I get restless on weekends and watch too much TV. I broke up my time by re-reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower, as pictured here. It took me about two and a half hours to get through the whole thing. I hadn't read it since high school, so it was refreshing and I think I just actually got it this time around. It's funny, once you've gone through some of the things that Charlie goes through in the story, or you've experienced some of his feelings, you relate in an entirely different way. You can see yourself again, back at that "low point", that part of your life that everybody shies away from. And the whole time these thoughts beat against your skull likes moths in a lantern, and what hurts the most is that nobody will even try to come down to your level and relate. Maybe that's why I secured my first real best friend - she was on the same pills, she could joke about those truly difficult, painful nights, she could actually get what I was saying and counteract with her own experiences. Reading Charlie's letters make me feel a little like that again; like I'm not alone when I sink myself into those memories, and that somebody else felt the crippling exhaustion of it all, and most of all the numbness that comes with it, shutting down your mind and your body until all you can do is sit and stare and walk around like a zombie, minus the whole eating people thing. I've come a long ways since week-long bedroom vigils.
I hate to sound like some teenager off myspace who listens to FFTL and writes bulletins about how much they hate their parents. I love my parents, I really do, and I think my life is both beautiful and absurd. It's just these Sundays where you feel like a Smiths song and your brain aches from a painful story but in the end, you're content.
I get restless on weekends and watch too much TV. I broke up my time by re-reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower, as pictured here. It took me about two and a half hours to get through the whole thing. I hadn't read it since high school, so it was refreshing and I think I just actually got it this time around. It's funny, once you've gone through some of the things that Charlie goes through in the story, or you've experienced some of his feelings, you relate in an entirely different way. You can see yourself again, back at that "low point", that part of your life that everybody shies away from. And the whole time these thoughts beat against your skull likes moths in a lantern, and what hurts the most is that nobody will even try to come down to your level and relate. Maybe that's why I secured my first real best friend - she was on the same pills, she could joke about those truly difficult, painful nights, she could actually get what I was saying and counteract with her own experiences. Reading Charlie's letters make me feel a little like that again; like I'm not alone when I sink myself into those memories, and that somebody else felt the crippling exhaustion of it all, and most of all the numbness that comes with it, shutting down your mind and your body until all you can do is sit and stare and walk around like a zombie, minus the whole eating people thing. I've come a long ways since week-long bedroom vigils.
I hate to sound like some teenager off myspace who listens to FFTL and writes bulletins about how much they hate their parents. I love my parents, I really do, and I think my life is both beautiful and absurd. It's just these Sundays where you feel like a Smiths song and your brain aches from a painful story but in the end, you're content.
Saturday, April 14, 2007
how to get through a hangover saturday
went to the club last night with some friends, drank a lot, woke up to grilled cheese, coffee, and empire of the sun on history channel. still love that movie - ever since i was a kid, but mostly because my brother liked it.
spending the rest of the day watching ripped movies and nursing a coffee. i foresee an early night.
tomorrow: hopefully some shopping, maybe see blades of glory.
spending the rest of the day watching ripped movies and nursing a coffee. i foresee an early night.
tomorrow: hopefully some shopping, maybe see blades of glory.
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