to-do list before November:

- get new passport
- mandarin lessons
- g1 driving test
- run 5k
- lose 20 lbs
- martial arts once a week (no, really)
- upgrade ram on macbook
- new ipod battery

probably more to come.

at home with the exiles

my mom and i started a running regimen that promises to take us from couch potatoes to 5k runners in under 2 months. if this actually comes to pass i will boggle in shock but regardless i'm looking forward to getting more exercise. they have a couple of running clubs in hangzhou so i can keep it up when i go back.

this morning was pretty simple - brisk walk for the first 5 minutes, then alternating jogging and walking for another 20 minutes. we do the same thing on wednesday and friday, then next week we move onto the next level which involves more jogging, less walking. the training plan goes on from there and eventually builds up in the 5k of just running. i'll try to update on our progress week by week in here.

below heaven is...

i haven't written much about my teaching experience in hangzhou because at the time i didn't think there was much to say, i went, i taught, i conquered, and then came back early and got a job here in ontario and that was that. in truth it was a good and bad experience, the bad only really stemming from different nitpicky moments at the school itself. take this with a grain of salt, i guess, as in terms of work places in china, mine was far better than a lot that i've heard of. plus i had a ton of free time - weekdays i only had to teach 2 hours in the evening, but weekends were 10 hours +.

i liked my school, loved my students, made fast friends with office staff, teachers, bosses, etc. but the school itself.. the money we made was below average, the school had no a/c or heat (trust me, that's insane when it's 35 celsius in the middle of july, you have 30 kids crammed into a little room, and the humidity is so bad that your hair is wet), and there were no lesson plans available for parts of the curriculum, besides the student book the children worked out of. in some ways though things were fair because we didn't do much lesson planning as most of us relied heavily on the chinese english teachers to direct us, and just played games and taught a few things, got the kids to speak a bit, etc etc. i just found it exhausting though to have to do this six days a week, sometimes seven, especially when i was told i'd be working five days a week. i guess things like this are pretty typical at privately owned schools in china, though. i don't know. some things i could whine and whine about but then it's like, really, i didn't have it bad at all and when i look back on the experience i can only really see the good in it, the fun times i had teaching songs to kids and dancing at the big christmas performance, and the little things like hugs from the kids and doing dialogues and whatnot.

i think this time i want my weekends free - i find i'm happier with a 9-5, monday to friday routine. i want actual lesson plans and good pay, and if i can teach kids again then even better. i'm looking forward to going back to china so much, no matter where i end up, be it yangshuo, hangzhou, or even shanghai. the culture, the people, the whole teaching experience - it's everything i love wrapped up together. i want to do it better this time around, take the time to savour everything and put more effort into doing things like studying mandarin, learning tai chi, taking some chinese cooking classes (and perhaps focusing less on the pi jiu), that kind of stuff. i'm almost hesitant to go back to hangzhou because i feel like i've already been there, done that, whereas yangshuo with its small town feel and its southern location provides new opportunities and new experiences. i've been thinking about it the past week and still can't make a decision, but either way i'm excited to go.

you never really liked attention but--

happy birthday dad, i miss you more than words can say.

i think i'd be good for you and you'd be good for me

whaaaaaaaaaaat the heeeeeeeeckkkkkkkk

coffee breakdowns

this week i got contacts, new skinny jeans, mile high heels and two bad hair days. the contacts are pretty annoying as my right eye keeps going blurry and it makes it annoying to use the computer at work. this morning i had to drop a memory stick off to a person at another office and, while vaguely seeing an individual in the shadows that resembled said person, my eye chose that moment to blur over so i had to fumble around and squint a lot to determine who they were. aaawwkward.

going to montreal tomorrow til monday to see my grandparents (and shop, and let's be honest, hopefully see the new Mummy movie). every trip to montreal we always say we'll go downtown and see old montreal and enjoy the sights but we just end up going to mall champlain and watching vhs tapes at my grandparents house in brossard. fingers crossed for this trip!

i've lost roughly 35 lbs now since february and truthfully i'm kind of happy with my present weight and appearance, which i haven't felt since i was in like... grade 3 and some mouthy kid said i was fat. i'm not exactly skinny but i'm a healthy weight and i'm moderately comfortable in my own skin so you know, that's something. i'm about 170 right now and i'd still really like to be 150 but it's not like some big panic to get there. two years ago i was at 229 so looking back i've done pretty well. losing weight is hard stuff man, my dad was always a huge supporter though and i don't think i could have done it without his encouragement, him driving me to herbal one and telling me i looked great and everything, i don't know, he was awesome. like a month before he passed away he had some stern words with me because i was drifting off my diet (people kept bringing meals over to our house and none of them were exactly weight loss compatible). he said after he was gone i better stick to my goals and not let things run amuck just because i was grieving. i'm trying to keep doing this for him, he wanted me to be healthy and obviously i want that too, so here's to that. admittedly though i can't keep away from the booze to well because sometimes after a long day of work, knowing i'm going home to my life without my dad, a big glass of cabernet sauvignon is the best remedy. i think anyone who's lost someone they love would attest to that.

i can't believe it's been almost 3 weeks. at night i lie in bed and remember how he looked when i found him, his jaw slack and his hands cold, his skin drawn and pale. i'm sorry if people read this and are uncomfortable hearing that, but that's how it was. he was a shell though, that's all, he was just this empty shell and the real him was with God and still is, no pain, no tears, no suffering, just joy and peace. i miss him so much, every single day, sometimes it;s so hard to keep going when i know he's not there behind me anymore, supporting me. i worry for my mom and how she'll do without him, i know it's tough for her and i feel bad that i can't support her more. i worry for my brother because he's so much like my dad was, they were so close and so alike, and i don't want him to feel alone or without guidance.

i don't have a lot of friends, but i'm finding out who my real ones are, the ones that message or text me or call - even if i don't respond - just to let me know they're there. the ones that aren't afraid to contact me because they don't know what to say - that really hurts.

there's a quote that my grade school teacher mr dekorte wrote in a sympathy card to the family a couple weeks ago, and it's stuck with me ever since. it's from the end of the last battle by cs lewis, and it speaks of death and going to heaven:

"The term is over; the holidays have begun.
The dream is ended: this is the morning."