dear sufjan stevens,

i'm sorry for forgetting about you for three years. thanks for still existing when i remembered.

forever plus a day,

danielle

...and by night i blog about FISH!

so, amazingly easy low fat tilapia recipe. tilapia has become one of my new favourite fish because it's incredibly low in calories and fat, and it's absolutely delicious - and affordable.

per fillet: a few slices of lemon, a couple slices of onion, mushrooms, slivers of red pepper - whatever veggies you wanna throw in there. place the tilapia fillet on a piece of tin foil, douse it with black pepper and garlic powder. squeeze a bit of lemon juice on there then lay the slices of lemon over the fish, along with some slices of garlic. throw the veggies on top then fold it all up in a neat little foil package and toss it in the oven at 400, bake for about 20 minutes, give or take depending on how thick the fillet is. it is so perfectly moist, smells incredible, and tastes really great with a sprinkle of peppercorns and a side of salad. i find any fish (and boneless skinless chicken breasts too) taste great when they're baked like this, with lemon and veggies and any spices that you see fit. hurray!

4 weeks til the cruise, 4 weeks til work is over, 6 weeks til i set foot back on chinese soil. my life is a series of countdowns.

sweet you rock and sweet you roll

i'm moving back to hangzhou, china the first week of this coming january to teach at the school i was at before (see also: frustrated post about weird working conditions and low pay!). my boss said i'll have increased wages though, as well as the possibility of an apartment that i coveted greatly during my previous hz stint. i'm actually so excited to go back there and plough through a couple of weeks of teaching, followed by a month off for chinese new year! so my backpacking plans shall be bumped up to february and will inevitably become more expensive as it'll be prime holiday season in china. i missed my students, my little neighbourhood with its fruit stands and bakeries, and mostly my proximity to the BEST SHOPPING DISTRICT in the city. also 25 cent beers. i have to admit i'm kind of nervous about leaving my mom and my house this time, just because i feel guilty and pained over her being alone in this big place. she said she was gonna visit a lot, for long periods of time, and i hope she does. i know my brother and tory aren't far away but i also know it will be tough for her, and me. my mom and i were always really close, but since my dad passed away we've become even closer, relying on each other so much for support. i guess we'll see how things go.

since no blog post is complete without a weight update: i've only got about 10 lbs left to go - i'm at 155 right now which isn't bad for 5'8" at all!! i'd be happy being somewhere in the size 8 to 10 range and i'm at an 11 right now which, again, isn't half bad. my mom and i are going on a 7-night carribbean cruise for christmas this year, so we went bathing suit shopping yesterday. i tried on a bikini, a truly horrifying experience, and then decided i'll go with a tankini. i am still extremely embarrassed about my thighs but the rest is OK. i dunno, if i can lose these last 10 lbs by the cruise then hopefully it won't be so bad. right now i've lost a total of about 53 lbs since february but it's weird how it seems like it's never enough, i can't look in the mirror without criticizing myself and still seeing myself over 200 lbs. the hardest part of dieting is trying to mentally adjust and come to terms with yourself.

there's this guy, he's classy, a real gentleman. i got to hang out with him a bit for just one day last week and it was awesome. i haven't been interested in someone for a really long time and i wish i could see him again but such is life, i'm moving, i think he's interested in some other girl, and i'm too much of a mess right now to let anybody care about me.

we had our last grief counselling night on wednesday, where we had to bring a picture and something that represented the person we lost. i brought my dad's old air canada captain's hat and a picture of him that i'd taken in hangzhou almost a year ago, just before i found out he had cancer. he was standing on a rock, wearing a yellow golf shirt and a big smile. when i tried to talk about my two items at the counselling, i started crying so hard that i could hardly say anything. it's things like that that make me wonder if maybe i'm not dealing with this right, that maybe i'm running away from grief/working through his death by leaving for china. i wish there was a book that could tell me how to make this pain go away. there's a hollow part inside of me that will always be there. it's been just over four months now but sometimes it still feels like it was yesterday. i miss you dad.

two blog posts in two days!

sometimes i wish i'd finished my ESL degree at brock, just so i could have the opportunity to make a career out of teaching abroad. i would like nothing more than to spend my life living in numerous foreign countries and immersing myself in all these unique cultures, be it china, turkey, costa rica, the phillipines, wherever i feel like going. maybe it's something i'll grow out of. maybe in a year from now the prospect of art direction in toronto will excite me as much as teaching english in china does right now. maybe this is something i just need to get out of my system for a year or two. i hope not.

etcetera

the big thing that i've been scouring etsy for lately is textile necklaces, with linens and stitches and felted wool and all manner of strange buttons and bobbles. i so envy people who can make these kinds of things, let alone stuff like shirts and dresses and whatnot.

this is a necklace by perishables, i love the organic feel, the colours, it's warm and earthy.

gorgeous leather poppy necklace by tmStudioDesigns, $22.

i love this fabric and felt necklace by shagpile for $28. it's kind of like a collar, would look awesome with a plain black or white t-shirt.

by lupin, $27. this goes with pretty much everything ever. the 'chain' part is elastic and it sits close to your neck. how can you not love bold jewelry, seriously.

i've also been eyeing a jersey wrap dress by a designer in b.c., it's one of those pieces that you can transform about a hundred different ways. i think maybe i just like shopping too much.

我爱你

my two favourite mealtime delights right now are hot green tea with lemon and fat free organic vanilla yoghurt with diced apple, raspberries, and a hearty dollop of cinnamon. it is seriously the best breakfast ever.

it's so funny for me to look back a year and a half ago when i was applying to schools, and it was all like 'i applied to (insert horrible english mill) in beautiful DONGGUAN!" dongguan is like the most polluted, dirty industrial city in guangzhou. i am THRILLED that i didn't end up there. i also applied to all these kindergartens that paid next to nothing in shanghai and beijing. now as i go through the application process a second time, i'm way stingier and so suspicious of every single school which is weird since that's how i should have been BEFORE i moved to china in 2007. needless to say i applied to a chain school with locations along the east coast - hangzhou, shanghai, yangzhou, qingdao, oubei, etc - and i'm hoping i'll swing it for hangzhou. i do have a job waiting for me but i'm considering it my back-up option in the event that something better doesn't fall into my lap. i'm talking more pay, better hours, nicer work environment. i have a real longing to teach in a public school there too, something about monday to friday, 16 hours a week really does it for me. unfortunately it's really hard finding a job that isn't posted by some sketchy recruiter on like teslchinarecruiterspyware.cn haha. been checking out jobs in qingdao and shanghai mostly, as hangzhou ones are also hard to come by.

my life right now is pretty quiet, just slipping through my last two months at work while balancing tai chi, grief counselling, dieting, mandarin lessons, and zero social life. on the plus side i sleep really well, watch horribly satisfying television, and am down 45 lbs! only 13 more to go!!!!!!!!!!!

grief counselling is tough and awful and incredibly good for me. we're a group of 10 girls ranging from 18 to 28, most of us have lost parents recently. it's good. we delve into the hardest things and work through our experiences. it feels like a safe place to think about my dad since i never allow myself to do that at any other time. it hurts too much to go to that place where i have to remember him, especially in his last few months. i sleep with an old sweater of his and have a picture of him tacked up right by my pillow, but that's the extent of it. i'm not ready to work through it all yet. i'm not ready to cry and hurt so badly. not when it's this fresh. but doing it in small doses, once a week - i can manage that.

tonight i'm watching indiana jones and maybe going for a walk and sleeping at a sensible hour

sayonara, august paycheque!

i'm trying to type with these crazy fake nails right now and it's causing me extreme hand trauma. my fingers keep stumbling off the keys, wtf, who seriously buys these things with the intention of using them. picture on right depicts my exact emotions over said nails.

got the hair dyed and trimmed today, also bought an unbelievably beautiful silk dress by sweet chemise on sale half price ($85!) at broderick's. will be perfect for tory's bachelorette tonight as well as for wearing to vicky's wedding. it's this lovely japanese-esque pattern, all cherry blossoms and interesting swirls in brown and cream and turquoise with this big brown 'obi' at the waist. looks totally awesome with heels but i imagine it will look great this fall with a cami and cardigan and my new gray boots from spring shoes.

i've purchased way too many things over the last two weeks, clothes for fall and various what have yous, to the point that i'm scared to open my visa bill. erk.

danielle's backpacking adventure 2009 (but wait! there's more!)

So I'm officially moving back to China in January. Specifically, Hangzhou, to once again take up the ESL teaching torch at the children's language school where I used to "teach" (read: babysat). As my job winds down in its final few months of event planning, miscellaneous design projects, and trying to keep the events calendar in some semblance of order, I'm finding myself increasingly looking forward to exchanging my skirts and blouses and wobbly heels for jeans and hoodies and a big old backpack. That's right, I'm spending my first two weeks back in China as a bonafide hostel-sleeping backpacker. I've been trying to plan this trip and figuring out where I want to go, and it's been a rollercoaster of places.. at first I was all set to scour Xinjiang (too cold), then I decided instead to spend a couple of weeks in Laos, and then it was Thailand and the Kho Phagun Moon Party (too rowdy), and now it's finally come full circle and I've planned out a fantastic adventure around Yunnan province with a few days dabbling next door in Guangxi. The itinerary is as such right now:

January 8: Fly to Shanghai – bus from Shanghai to Hangzhou – couple nights in Hangzhou to drop off luggage and prepare for backpacking EXTRAVAGANZA!

Flight from Hangzhou to Guilin City – Bus from Guilin to YANGSHUO (3 nights):

 See Karst scenery, villages, awesome stuff, etc.
 Stay at: Yangshuo Culture House or West Lily Hotel

Flight from Guilin to KUNMING (3 nights):

 Spend a few days in Kunming, explore Shilin stone forest etc.
 Stay at: Cloudland Hostel

Train from Kunming to LIJIANG (2 nights):

 Explore Lijiang, Naxi culture, visit old Naxi villages and Lijiang Old Town
 Stay at: Panba Courtyard Guesthouse

Train from Lijiang to DALI (3 nights):

 See sights, meet weird backpackers, check out scenery/side trips
 Stay at: Jade Emu International Guesthouse

Flight from Dali to JINGHONG (3 nights):

 See home of Dai minority, Xishuangbanna area, wicked culture, Galanba, bike around, etc.
 Stay at: Banna Guesthouse or Banna Hotel

Flight from Jinghong to Hangzhou.

* Everything subject to change.

I'm saving money for this, getting really stoked about hoofing it all over the place, and preparing my index finger for getting snap happy with the camera. I'm even moreso stoked about doing this thing alone, just me and my ipod and whatever quirky travelers I meet in these hostels. I want the entire thing to finish just before Chinese New Year starts so I don't end up stranded in some sketchy airport in the middle of nowhere with ten trillion other people all trying to get to Hangzhou. I fully intend to wile away my new years month with sleep, foot massages, and bad karaoke. And plenty of day trips to spots near Hangzhou with occasional excursion to Anhui thrown in for good measure.

My Chinese lessons are going really well, it shocks me everytime I see one of the few characters I know and I can actually *recognize it*. It shocks me even more when I can *read an actual sentence*. Of Chinese characters. It doesn't take a lot to impress myself. It'll be nice to be able to get around a little more and have that basic conversational background as opposed to my limited survival vocab that I was spouting before. Plus I'm starting to grasp the tones which is a whole other ballgame in itself.

The next month is shaping up to be remarkably busy - Saturday is Tory's bachelorette party, Sunday is the Guelph Scottish Festival/recovery from said bachelorette party. Then NEXT week Friday is Dave and Tory's wedding rehearsal, wedding on Saturday, brunch followed by special outing on Sunday. Week after that is my friend Vicky's wedding. Then Sensational Elora hits in an explosion of festivities and volunteering and too many committee meetings to count, but that's okay! Thanksgiving my mom and I are seriously considering just going away for four days to a place where Thanksgiving doesn't exist, and thus running away from our first holiday without my dad. We talked about Hershey, Pennsylvania or maybe Vermont, even tossed Cape Cod and Boston around, so we'll see. I don't care where we go as long as it's the U.S., I love going there, not really sure why maybe it's the Olive Gardens and outlet malls.

Tonight I start Tai Chi, also new Prison Break, tomorrow is new Fringe, it's sad that I measure my life by television programming. Ciao.

to-do list before November:

- get new passport
- mandarin lessons
- g1 driving test
- run 5k
- lose 20 lbs
- martial arts once a week (no, really)
- upgrade ram on macbook
- new ipod battery

probably more to come.

at home with the exiles

my mom and i started a running regimen that promises to take us from couch potatoes to 5k runners in under 2 months. if this actually comes to pass i will boggle in shock but regardless i'm looking forward to getting more exercise. they have a couple of running clubs in hangzhou so i can keep it up when i go back.

this morning was pretty simple - brisk walk for the first 5 minutes, then alternating jogging and walking for another 20 minutes. we do the same thing on wednesday and friday, then next week we move onto the next level which involves more jogging, less walking. the training plan goes on from there and eventually builds up in the 5k of just running. i'll try to update on our progress week by week in here.